Thursday, May 11, 2017

I'm not going to survive winter

Life does seem to be seasonal, with the events/circumstances following the summer, fall, winter and spring patterns. The seasons of life can be of shorter/longer duration, though.

As we moved to Tennessee, 8 years ago, it felt like we were leaving fall - with it's beautiful colors and the excitement of crisp mornings - and walking toward winter. We had a new (first) baby on the way and we were ending what had been a rich (though not without it's challenges) season in our lives. With the loss of Mama Lynn, we felt we were walking into winter, with it's time to be reflective, to mourn, to survive. In many ways, spring (and then summer) did again find us - surprise us - sharing a house with Lisa and Virginia, the birth of four amazing boys, the birth of a beloved horse, life shared with treasured friends. Then, we lost Papa Ross - winter again returned - Lisa's health began to fail her. Kris' extended family began to unravel. Kris' work became jeopardized and eventually his employment completely in question. And winter has continued, with little hint of spring. We have found time to play in the snow, see the sunlight through the clouds and even see glimpses that spring is likely to come again some day. 

Each morning I awake and look to see if spring has arrived. The hope in my heart gets me out of bed, dressed, and down the stairs to start my day. Then - of late - my coffee gets me the rest of the way, as it becomes apparent that winter is yet upon us and spring is still absent. I ask (well, beg) for spring to hurry back - for Lochlan to be released from the prison in his mind, Lisa to be restored to health, for George to find a job that he is designed to do, for a home around which we can build a life - but winter remains. Incredibly, I'm only beginning to realize that we are to live in winter, not just survive it. Of course we can hope for spring, but not live in that hope alone. I need to remember to live, well, in the day I am given, in the season where that day exists. I must find the quiet and the beauty when I am surrounded by screaming (not just my own) and another mess to pick up. I must continue to write the story even as it gets carelessly deleted by tiny hands that are looking for trouble.


Gwendolyn1946 said...

Oh yes, sweet daughter...spring will come again!

Unknown said...

This is so beautiful. I have been thinking about this passage recently:

"Blessed by the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! By his great mercy he has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who are being protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, even if now for a little while you have had to suffer various trials, so that the genuineness of your faith--being more precious than gold that, though perishable, is tested by fire--may be found to result in praise and glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Although you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy, for you are receiving the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls." (1 Peter 1:3-9)

I have no doubt that the long maturation of this winter is fitting you for an unspeakably glorious spring...not only whatever moments of it may burst through this side of eternity, but the fullness of its glory on the other side. Love you so much, Sis.