Sunday, January 31, 2021

If I should grow weary...

"If I should grow weary..." were the thoughts that echoed in my heart as I stood entranced by this masterpiece before me. The Great Painter reminding me how small I am in this painting of life is both humbling and incredibly encouraging. 

The days might be dark, or we might be sapped. Somehow, for me, standing in front of the night sky, nothing felt daunting. Pressing onward is not an option... it's a privilege and a responsibility we each are given. 

Friday, January 29, 2021

Bring it...


It's another snow day... I'm not complaining. We need the moisture in the forests, and besides... it's MAGICAL! I don't even mind driving in it, as long as I'm on the roads by myself. 

We did take a day off of school this week... we had every intention of playing in the snow for the morning and then working hard upon our return, but as soon as we got into the woods, our resolve was obliterated. 

Lochlan has been developing exponentially. Sometimes, it's hard for us to recognize how much he is growing and changing, as we sift through the daily challenges, but even we see it. He has started recognizing letters and will point to signs, pictures, even t-shirt logos and spell out the letters! And if he reads off the letters, he will even attempt to say the words after us. Today, he said, "cookie" when Auntie Jess called and I think Jess nearly cried; she's never heard his voice (outside of screaming). This morning I woke up and thought I heard him say, "Mama, let's have coffee!" As soon as I realized it was a dream, I realized how much I ache to hear his voice, in harmony with my heart. We are so much closer to that dream. 

He's sick again today... he hasn't thrown up yet, so we're hopeful that he just ate something he shouldn't have, but there is always that overarching concern that this is something deeper and that we might be facing a re-bout of the protozoa. That would mean more testing and then several more weeks/months of recurring sickness along with the difficulties that the treatment itself presents. He is also losing weight, which is suggestive that he's still struggling with bacteria, so we are back on daily treatment for that. I find myself distracted and unable to focus - not terribly unlike the way a trauma victim might respond when riding in a car after a previous car accident. This, too, we shall face, while simultaneously praying for mercy.

I will seek solace and re-find the strength to walk this unknown path in the beauty around me and in the One that created those places and people. 

As we sat down to tea this morning, I marveled at the expressions I saw in those faces. I can never capture those expressions when they know their picture is being taken, but when they are oblivious, it is almost possible. :-) There is so much joy in their hearts and they are such an inspiration to each other. 

So, give us our good days and give us our bad days. We will keep walking, running, laughing, crying, and we will always find our hope even when we are threatened with fatigue/exasperation. 

And... maybe it just means it's a cookie dough kinda' day. 

Saturday, January 23, 2021

Call of the wild


The storms have been blowing in and powdering our forests with snow... it's magical! I love to find the untouched paths that beckon to be explored. Today, there were snow drifts along the road, so though most of the drive really did not warrant 4-wheel drive, there were sections that most definitely did. I also needed 4-wheel drive while hiking, but I failed myself in that department.  

Between storms, the clouds come rolling in through the valleys and standing upon the hilltops gives a rather mesmerizing view of the whole scene. 

I stood in one place and looked toward the incoming storm on one side... 

And on the opposite side... 

Sunset Crater (in the background) was filled with snow and it's reddish hue totally covered in white.

Just surveying her kingdom. I love how she watches the mountain, like she sees and appreciates it as much as I do. 

The golden mornings. 

When I looked back at my tree in my descent down the hill, the bright blue backdrop of that sky with the moon took my breath away. 

Seeing the Mountains through the trees...

As the clouds rolled in, it created a thick fog. Declan found it completely irresistible. 

The road less traveled. I feel like so much of my life is on this road, figuratively, not literally. One reality in life is that we each walk a unique path; not one human has walked the path you walk, because you are uniquely you. You are not alone on the path before you, but the steps you take are yours alone. It is one of the reasons I think we need other people so much. Even when there are no footprints to follow, we have support and strength for the (many) steps ahead, no matter how deep it gets. 

The "family" tree. It is 5 trees intertwined into 1. Incredible.

The picture of a happy Paugie. 

The man, the myth, the legend... Lochlan James. 

Looks like several more days of snow are ahead for us, so you're quite likely to find us all hunkered inside, unless we can't resist the Call of the Wild...