Tuesday, February 11, 2025

sleep is a memory

 


I don't really sleep anymore; as the sun descends I watch the fire of the sunset in the sky and it is the highlight for me as we enter into the long hours each night. 





Upon discovering that baby Wynn was still fighting an infection in the coffin bone of her hoof, we started another round of antibiotics, administered every 6 hours for several weeks. We give her a full meal before each dose, followed by aloe vera juice to help coat her stomach and then we give her the actual dose. It takes us about 1 hour and 15 minutes in the whole process. So far, she has not lost her appetite, gotten diarrhea, or started bleeding from her mouth which were all after effects last time we gave her this antibiotics. She has a lot of energy and she rewards our efforts with her enthusiasm for life, her soft nickers and her sweet sweet attitude. We absolutely adore her, and I have so much hope in my heart that we are getting ahead of this awful infection. This girl deserves life. 







Lochlan hasn't been sleeping which is also why I'm no longer sleeping. Last night we went to bed at 10:00 because he was really upset and couldn't go to sleep. Then, we got up at 2:00 to take care of Wynn and Lochlan was already awake, laughing in his bed. He laughed and kicked the wall until 4:30 when he finally fell back to sleep. At 6:00 he headed out the front door. I heard the door shut, but it's not unusual for him to go out to the zip line first thing in the morning, so I ambled out of bed to put the tea water on. Declan shouted, "Mom, where is Lochlan? He was naked when I saw him last." Sure enough, he was running naked alongside the zip line in our big field where all our neighbors have an extraordinary view. Congratulations to our neighbors. 





So, I've concluded that sleep is overrated... or at least in this season. Today, I called a "sick day" for all of us because Lochlan woke up on the cranky side of town and I woke up aching all over. I think the extreme fatigue is my only actual ailment, however. Every day is filled with the things that must be done, the stuff of life, the very hard realities, the things we invest in for our future and the overwhelmingly beautiful parts of life. 














We finished the siding for our underground greenhouse! 


I found 6 ancient houses at the base of Mt. Elden


Murdock, the magic pony sometimes helps himself to apples in the house :-) 







Right now, every day feels like a struggle... but with every season there is a season that will follow. I love what I see around me and this life is rich and abundant. There is frost and dust and wind, but there is also sunshine and mountains and the promise of spring. 





Monday, January 20, 2025

My Inspiration



I came into the house after a long day of picking up pine needles, moving horse panels, cleaning out the gutters, and fire prepping the whole property. We've had so little snow this year so far, and I'm genuinely concerned about another wildfire coming through, so I'm doing everything I can to get this home of ours defensible. I was filthy and tired. Kelton walked by me on his way out to help feed the horses. He turned around, grabbed my arm, and looked at me intently. He exclaimed, "mom, you look absolutely beautiful!" I mean it's hard to have a bad day around here... 



I had a horrible nightmare last night. I dreamed that Lochlan had wandered off in the woods and we couldn't find him. We knew that the temperature was going to be 5 degrees and that we had to find him before dark. As darkness descended and we still hadn't found him, panic set in. I woke up and felt the panic still in my heart. Life with Lochlan is incredibly hard, but life with Lochlan is complete because he is in it. I love him so much. My world is whole because he is in it. 



As Declan and I drove home from his dentist appointment this morning, we were parked at a stoplight. There was a man holding up a sign which said simply, "Smile". It was 27 degrees outside in the sunshine. The man's nose was running, his face was pink and he was shivering. And yet, he was smiling. I said, "He is absolutely freezing." Declan ripped off his favorite jacket and handed it to me. "Here Mom, give this to him." I thought it might be too small to go over the man's sweater, so I suggested that we instead run over to Sam's Club to see if we could find him a little bigger jacket. Declan encouraged me to hurry, so we ran in and found him a warm coat big enough to fit comfortably over his sweater. When we went back, Declan handed it to him and he was speechless. He immediately put it on, buttoned it snuggly, put the hood over his head and as we left, I saw tears streaming down his smiling face. Declan has a heart for all people, but he really SEES people who are hurting and in need. He will literally give you the shirt (or coat) off his back and he doesn't care if it's his favorite coat. My heart... 



I've said it before: Madigan can fix or build anything. A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G! He has built toy guns for his brothers, trailers for his lawn mower, ladders, bunk beds, toy cannons, wooden boats and so much more. Yesterday he built a ladder for his bunk bed that is so sturdy it could hold his horse! He has faithfully cared for his horse, day after day, long night after incredibly long night. We just found out that we are going to have to administer another 4 weeks of antibiotics (for an ongoing bone infection that Wynn is fighting) and will have to do so every 6 hours. It means a lot of tedious nights ahead, because it takes us over 1 hours to administer the medicine with all the steps required. Madigan didn't hesitate, but went straight into making a plan for where he will sleep for the month (climbing down from the very top bunk in the wee hours of the morning is sometimes hazardous), and how we can streamline administering the medicine most efficiently. He never feels sorry for himself; he just takes the bull by the horns and does what has to be done. I learn every day from him and he is my inspiration for more than he realizes. 



Friday, January 17, 2025

16 hooves


I took Devany for a long walk. I needed time "alone" to think also to just be. It was freezing cold (literally) but it didn't matter. I stopped and let her graze in several places and it was mesmerizing to see the steam come off of her even though she wasn't sweating; it was merely the contrast between the warmth of her and the cold of the air. On the way home, I hopped on her bareback and her warmth kept me toasty until we arrived home. Devany is a wild creature in her own right, but in that I feel like she reflects me to some degree. I understand her deeply and she is an integral part of who I am. These times when I get to just be with her are precious to me. 

Summer Wynd (Wynn) has turned a pretty incredible corner. I wouldn't say she's totally out of the woods yet, as recurring infection is still a risk at this point, but she has made a remarkable recovery. One week ago I thought we were going to be putting her down when the vet arrived, but after taking x-rays we found hope - abscesses! We were rejoicing for those abscesses because they are treatable! Our hope is that we killed the larger infection around her coffin bone with the 14-day antibiotics and that the abscesses are a secondary issue. Once we were able to get the abscesses to erupt, her lameness dissipated. It was the first time in 7 weeks that she wasn't in excruciating hoof pain. We've been taking her for long walks to help push the infection out of her hoof and she is spicy! All her teenage antics are being expressed fully, but Madigan is a patient and firm teacher. He is starting her training back up and it is much needed! We love her so much and watching her so full of life is magical. 








Kelton has started training Shadowfax again, as well. I had taken over his training because Kelton was intimidated by Shadowfax who kept trying to be dominant and hence a danger. We sent him to a trainer for several weeks and she was able to help remind Shadow that he is not God's gift to the world, with the help of her geldings who put Shadow in his place time and again. Now, Shadow is such a good boy! He follows Kelton along the forest trails like a docile puppy. If he acts up, Kelton is on the ready and quick to react appropriately. I think Kelton is going to have a really nice horse someday. :-) 





And then there's Murdock and his boy. I could watch them together for hours. Murdock absolutely loves Declan and it's quite mutual. He is such a well trained pony and he is doing an excellent job training this boy/man in all the things. Declan takes him for long walks and is in the process of designing the cart he's going to build for Murdock. He got his harness, so now all he needs is the cart! 








Lochlan usually rides Devany on our daily walks and he loves it. I hold these days in my heart and treasure them.