Friday, March 29, 2019

My bedside is covered with scattered papers

Pregnant with Kelton - holding baby Lochlan

My bedside is covered with scattered papers filled with stick figures living out their adventurous lives and captions varying from "Mom, I love you" to "Mom, I love you so much I cood {sic} ete {sic} you". I usually can't find my Kindle to read the book which has taken me literally months to devour - well, nibble at a nightly couple-page dose - because it's buried underneath the most recent stick figure manuscript additions or a beloved stuffed animal that I'm being honored to love and cherish for the evening. There is no greater honor than to be in this role in this time and this place and I hold the moments in my hand, knowing that they will fall through my fingers and slip away no matter how desperately I cling to them.

There is a constant/perpetual trail of tears awaiting the arrival of the clutter-phobe (that is me) in every room that I venture into each minute of each day, and that's impressive since this is "technically" a 1 room house, if you don't include the bathrooms. The panic slowly subsides as I make my way through the house, gathering garments, airplanes, boats, trucks, pencils, books, blankets, tents, cups, Legos (OH, the CURSE!), leashes, sweaters (I could go on a lovely, expensive vacation tomorrow if I got a penny every time I hang a sweater in a week), underwear ("Lord, please help them to be clean this time..."), socks (straight to the laundry room, no questions, no exceptions), shavings (did I mention the indoor bunny???), breakfast crumbs, wagon, more Legos (I shall not swear, I shall not swear...), raisins (from yesterday?) to arrive on the other side with full arms/hands; as long as I don't turn back around I remain calm and resolutely peaceful (assuming the dog(s) haven't vomited in contribution to the array of chaos). Yet, I tremble when I consider the someday that may await me and a house absent of the pattering of the dirty feet (and paws) and all that comes with that pattering.

The challenge(s) of mothering Lochlan are truly inordinate and in this post I will not bring that tedium upon you. Suffice to say that the prolonged periods of screaming/raging/absolute frustration with all that is/isn't in his life combined with his complete inability to communicate culminates into a plethora of unfulfilled (delayed???) hopes, unmet expectations and much discouragement (for both Lochlan and me). When he climbed into my lap tonight and wrapped my arms around himself, the satisfied smile on his face and the giggle that accompanied it was the balm to my soul and the salve on a wound that seems to fester, even mildly.

There is no greater joy than sharing life with each of these treasured humans. There is no greater pain, either. How can the two divergent entities be within conjunction of one another? Tomorrow, I will awake and know that the impossible will be my reality and the joy that accompanies the magical/unbelievable, small and utterly profound happenings throughout each day will make what is impossible absolutely possible.

Monday, March 25, 2019

Cornbread is my favorite vegetable

A couple days ago, as we checked out at Trader Joes, it came up in Kelton's hearty conversation with the cashier that he had turned 5 years old the day before. The cashier, appropriately awed, said "Wow, you are so grown up already!" Kelton concurred and assured her, "Yeah, I'm basically a grown up man." 

"Mama, my favorite vegetable is definitely cornbread." "How come, Kelton?" "Because, it has corn in it and it doesn't have broccoli and that makes it a really good vegetable." You know, he has a point. 

"Mama, I want Lochlan to talk because I want him to tell me what he loves." Your sweet heart echoes the deepest longing in my own heart. 

"Mama! You need to get this shirt because it is so stylish! If you get it, you will be styling and I LOVE it when you are stylin'!" SOLD! 

When Aberfeldy (the new puppy - see upcoming blog post :-) returned from getting neutered, Kelton assured him that his cries of pain were in actuality his sorrow at the loss of never being able to have babies. 

As he cantered ahead of Gumbum on a trail in Sedona, he disappeared around the corner for a moment. He promptly returned with a look of grave concern and said he was afraid because he "saw a porkchop on the trail". Javelina (Peccary) "pigs" are prevalent in the area and they can definitely surprise you on the trails. 

This human fills me with wonder every day. Here's to year five of being totally heart Shmelting, ornery, tender hearted, precocious, independent, and mesmerizing. 

Sunday, March 24, 2019

Grand Indeed!

Grand Falls is indeed that. It is reported to be larger (in height) than Niagra Falls, and in certain seasons it roars. I have always wanted to see it, but somehow only just managed to do so. :-) The spring runoff from all the snow this year has definitely contributed to the magnitude of the falls at present, but one cannot help but be inspired after driving through apparent (high) desert with very little to find compelling, when suddenly the overlook to the falls is upon you. It is mesmerizing.

We adventured down the steep trail to the bottom of the falls for an even greater view. There, the falls showered us with a soft mist and the sheer size was even more profound.

We were all rejuvenated by this adventure and we will definitely be going back! 

Documenting life

I've decided to start blogging about our daily adventures. I often post picture on social media, but I'm weaning myself off social media and I want to document these details of our life for the boys to reflect on and remember in years to come. The beautiful days and the memories are all too easily forgotten in the big picture of life, yet I believe treasuring them in our hearts will help us as we face the stuff of our futures. So, some of the coming posts will be about our more recent adventures. I will obviously not be able to capture all that has transpired, but hold onto at least a few of the documented (in photos) happenings.

Madigan, Declan and I are trying to train for an upcoming backpacking trip to Colorado, and we're dragging Gumpai along for the torture in hopes that he will also be joining us for the big hike. We don't feel that Lochlan and Kelton are quite ready for such an endeavor so, though they hike with us on all of our smaller hikes throughout the week, we are taking our weekends to do some of the longer/harder hikes. If M and D can successfully hike Mt. Humphreys before June, they will be ready for the big CO hike. :-)

Yesterday, we hit the trails in the woods behind our house. We went 8 miles with a 1300 foot elevation gain. We saw 25+ deer, lots of sign of elk, coyote and even some evidence of possible pot hunters (people who steal pottery pieces from Native American ruins). We want to explore the hills a bit more to see if we can find the ruins, as there are clearly pottery shards all about, giving evidence to it's existence.

We headed back at dusk, weary but everyone was in good spirits. These boys can hike! Sharing these experiences with each of them, watching them delight in the Creation brings me endless delight.