Thursday, May 22, 2014

3 Days O'Clock

Day 6 of Daddy out of town. Status report: we're alive!

As I dashed into the bathtub for my four and a half minute shower, little fingers pried their way underneath the door, accompanied by a distinct screech of disapproval, reminding me that my days of lengthy, relaxing, reflective and (dare I say it) private showers are a thing of the past. {Dear Sabina and Valiant: I need to borrow your hair clippers (for my legs).} I decide every day to dress, comb my hair (even if it is 5 days between washings/showers) and prepare myself (i.e. brush my teeth) as if my appearance matters to the little men whose need for my attention, assistance, affection and approval is fairly all-consuming in this season of life. I decide each day, because it does matter... I have been given the opportunity to raise/train and nurture this little pack and my personal preparation each morning helps set the course for using well the time we're given in this day.

I wish I could stop and save the moments that are so tender, hilarious, or just incredible in every way, but there is no permanent ink that stays this thing we call time. It just keeps slipping from one day into the next, leaving me with memories, regrets and joy - so much joy. Lochlan toddling (and sometimes teetering) on those chubby legs, "practicing" when he thinks we're not watching. I find him checking his speed capabilities with caution, stopping to regain his balance if he feels the teetering might be overtaking the toddling. Everything in this boy's world is tackled with a smile across his face or a twinkle in his bright blue eyes. Declan's insistence on helping me in every task, with particular inclination toward dish washing, laundry washing, tea preparation, floor mopping, laundry folding, dog potty-ing, and bathing the brothers. His heart is so easily crushed when he feels his help isn't welcome/needed and I am daily chagrined by his disappointment. He is the ready-made helper who is a natural benefit to humanity. And...he loves fiercely. Kelton is mesmerizing with his quick smile and his snuggly body. He fusses about almost nothing and he genuinely seems to love life and the people in it. He coos at me when I tell him "what we're going to do today" and tells me his secrets as best he can. His sparkling eyes make my heart dance. My Madigan has not a single aspect of his life that could be defined as dull. He is a spark, and I find that one of my more consistent challenges is to keep that spark from starting flames too hot, while simultaneously fanning the spark to keep it alive and allow it to revitalize the world that exists because he's in it.

For those of you craving some snippets from the peanut gallery (If lack that particular craving, skip below for a photo repertoire from this week):
  • "Mommy, I love you so much, it makes me want ketchup." Honestly spoken, son. 
  • "Mommy, when Daddy gets home he will give you a reminder to obey me." Yeah, probably not. 
  • "Oh Mommy, I love that hat! It really suits you!" The British accent that accompanied this comment didn't hurt.
  • "Mommy, you need to hand me the water NOW, or I'll be choking and choking for 2 whole weeks." Dehydration = serious. 
  • "Ankie Tae will be coming to visit us in 2 weeks, 2 days and 240 hours." In case you were wondering. 
  • "Kelton isn't a real baby - he doesn't have teeth!" The definition of real baby is: _____________
  • During time out: "Mommy, I will only stay in here until 3 days O'clock." Agreed.
Jevy, hard at work.

Tiger, building a road.

My Tiger


My Mr. Incredible

Brother 1 loves brother 4

Feel free to melt the heart.

Paugie Eyes (that I love).

Thinking face

The Bros

Trouble and more trouble.

My brown boys.

(Fake) sleeping Paugie Boy.

Monday, May 12, 2014

A Measure of Success

Today, it was individual maneuvers which contributed to the overall success of the day. This pack of four did not cease in bringing me utter delight as I watched them interact with one another and their world:
  1. Tiger's enthusistic embrace of his littlest brother, which he assured me that Kelton needed more than food or sleep in that particular moment (of baby discontent).
  2. "Oh, thank you, Mommy"(s), which Paugie bestowed abundantly upon me today - he noticed even the slightest efforts I made on his behalf.
  3. Jevy's attentiveness to Kelton, who was fussing in his bed. Jevy hovered next to the crib, peeking over the side in obvious concern, babbling in his "baby speak" to is little bro - his very presence offering evident comfort.
  4. Kelton's responses when I told him a story, and talked to him about our day - little grins, giving his own input every so often and incredibly bright eyes dancing with interest (in my face). 
These little baby sighs of contentment (two words: Milk Drunk) are now beckoning me to sleep-hood. 

Tuesday, May 06, 2014

Worst Birthday Ever

My dear Devany turned three years old today! So, in celebration, we had the vet come out for her annual shots and to pull out her wolf teeth (think: something similar to wisdom teeth). How to NOT win a popularity contest with your horse. I guess a carrot cake will be in order tomorrow. I can't believe it's already been three years and I can't believe this magnificent creature is still such a baby. What a gift she is to me. 

And, no, I didn't intentionally plan the dreaded doctor's visit on the girl's special day... it just happened.

Thursday, May 01, 2014

living in reality

Wishing I had my sister's long, lovely fingers as I reach for the keyboard, my arms encircling this 6 week old gem who has pressed himself into my chest. He's not sleeping... just looking around with that wobbly bobble head, making eye contact whenever he can (when his head flops back far enough to do so) and smiling at his latest amusement. As I started to kiss across his face, he broke into a crooked grin and startling wobbling around more aggressively toward my face in an effort to secure more kisses.

His sheer baby-ness - soft, brown hair covering his (perfect) head, bright eyes, vigorous kicks of enthusiasm, happy munching noises, beautiful and flawless baby skin, unrestrained delight when he hears my voice or feels my touch and knows I'm "all his" for the moment, his quick smile, and even his snort of disgust when he's disappointed - makes up for nearly every challenge that marks this season of my life. As I was mentally cataloging my frustrations this afternoon, a little fat Jevy paw patted my leg (on his way by) and that incredible smile gave me a sudden reality check. Yes, the challenges are real - never having a hand or moment free, my inadequacy to meet every need/expectation of the men (both big and little) in my life, the extreme loneliness that accompanies isolation and often just motherhood, my inability to share my thoughts/feelings/hopes with another adult because I either haven't the energy to do so, or the physical presence of another adult in those moments where I'm left with a thought to myself - they are very much a part of this reality. And so is the beauty - the overwhelming, almost unbelievable beauty - that surrounds me. So, in this quiet moment with this little person wiggling in my arms, I stand in awe of what surrounds me each day of this part of my life.