Noise and (in) abundance

The noise. There is just a lot. There is almost constantly one voice or another talking in my midst, and most often directly to me. Even Lochlan can be heard periodically (to my great surprise and delight). I have four boys, and they all have the ability to be heard. Their voices are beginning to change from boyhood into manhood and with that change comes other challenges: I don't always know who's speaking to me. :-) 

Each of the boys is a wealth of knowledge and information and they want/need to tell me about the things that interest them. They are passionate about so many things and are filled with life and it constantly spills over. I know others outside our household find the noise to be overwhelming. 

This... is a joyful noise. There's no "tolerating it", "surviving it", "putting up with it". Honestly, it's a tremendous lot to process on an almost constant basis, but this "noise" reflects bright minds full of interest (in knowledge and in others), and it reflects LIFE! These four are alive today, living to the fullest alongside me and I am deeply changed for the better because of that reality. They inspire me. 

Parenting these humans requires me to become the better part of myself, too. Each day I must set aside much of my own agenda, clean up messes I didn't create, prepare meals for an army, I have to filter information and "noise" that my brain is sometimes too tired to process, choose gentleness when a harsh response is instinctive. I am constantly reminded that I am ultimately in control of nothing, but am utterly dependent upon someone much greater than myself to orchestrate what is to be in this day, in tomorrow, in all of life ahead. There is an almost constant chipping away of my own will and plan for and in any given day and it is good for my heart, if not also a bit exasperating and painful at times. 

Yesterday, Declan went for a walk with me and we ended up sitting on a bridge that Uncle Mark made over his creek. The sun in the tops of the trees was reflecting off the water and giving it a mesmerizing hue. We talked for a long time about some of the things he has been wrestling with in his heart. I am astounded at his wisdom. 

So, I watch. I listen. I absorb. And I am thankful. I will not always be surrounded by this much joy-filled noise. It is an abundant life. 

On the road again...

On Saturday we started a family journey to Oregon. It is our first since our epic 2021 trip and I definitely had some trepidation before we started. Last time, Lochlan was in a really terrible place in almost every way, and this time we started with him in a pretty amazing place in every way.  Some mornings when I wake up, I am amazed at the hope I have in my heart and the excitement I feel about what the day may hold because Lochlan is doing well in so many ways. 

I prayed that our dear old truck would be as reliable as it has always been, that we would repel all accidents, that we would avoid all flying deer in the headlights (I didn't specifically pray about that wild burros, foxes, jackrabbits, coyotes, wild horses and wild sheep that we saw along the way, but they also stayed out from in front of us), and I prayed that Lochlan would travel without incident. All of the boys were absolutely incredible and we made the estimated 16 hour trip in less than 20 hours, not including a stop for sleep at about the half way point. We made more potty stops than probably necessary, but none of us were complaining. :-) 

In the past couple of months, I have become increasingly more concerned about Lochlan's health. He is painfully thin and I think his growth is being affected. He has a voracious appetite, drinks plenty of water, and we feed him almost completely healthy food. I try to give him copious amounts of healthy fats, dark greens and vitamin rich vegetables. Yet, his body seems to be unable to absorb nutrients. My inability to identify what ails Lochlan (in every way) is the hardest part of parenthood for me. I continue, as always, to hunt for answers, but so often it seems I hit only brick walls. My heart aches for what I cannot change, but my hope rests in what I do not know and whom I do not fully understand. 

So, as we journey on, I am trying to set aside the things I cannot change. I want to savor the adventure, to observe and treasure the sweetest fleeting moments, to live in the gratitude of what I have been given. It's a broken, beautiful world and I'm thankful I get to live life together with this bunch of great men. 

Onward... 

 

War of love

 

I was sitting in the kitchen talking with Aunt T when Lochlan sat down next to me and started reading. A book. Out loud. All. By. Himself. He read "meatballs", "peaches", and a number of other more difficult words with absolutely no difficulty. He was smiling and clearly loving the places in the book which brought him joy. The book is about picnics, and he truly loves picnics. My eyes filled with tears... Lochlan is READING!!! He's not just reading, but he's understanding and enjoying what he's reading. There are some things that I have not dared to hope, and I am surprised by joy. 

 

Kelton emails me almost every day, mostly love notes. We talk about his day, his faith, the love in his heart and we always end our emails discussing who loves the other more. Yesterday he wrote: "Mama, I love you more. You just need to accept that. This is the War of Love." 

Life is a crazy war of love. Worth every fight every day. 

Greenhouses and growing in other ways too

 Everyday life can be tedious and challenging with the mundane combined with the difficult, and I'm not sure if the kids have a harder time facing school every day or if I do. We have been diligently working away at it, but some days are too beautiful and the mountains and forests compel us to explore. We also always seem to have one project or another that requires our attention, so I seem to live by schedules, calendars and alarms. 

We are in the process of putting up a greenhouse that we purchased from a nearby family. The beauty of buying things used is the fraction you pay for them off the original price. The difficulty in doing so is that you have to then be very creative in putting in back together since you cannot operate from original directions which no longer exist. We did label things as we took it apart, so that gives us a tiny advantage. :-) Today, we're digging the holes for the cement foundation. Hopefully, we'll have the project completed by the end of this week. 

The weather hasn't been working in our favor with the first snows of the season, but it has honestly been kind of refreshing, if not a tad bit too cold. I've taken a couple of ice cold hikes which are strangely invigorating and a couple nights ago Kelton joined me. We talked, prayed and listened to some of our favorite songs and when we got to the top of a hill we turned around to see a beautiful painting of nature. It was such a precious moment and I will hold that memory forever. 

Last week, we went down to Sedona for an afternoon to see the last of the fall leaves. It did not disappoint! 

I've been thinking a lot recently about how quickly a life is completed, how the days and moments gallop on. It would be nice if we had a pause button, but alas, we would no doubt abuse that privilege or allow it to distract us from what we should be about. So, I will endeavor instead to live each day fully. I hope that I can teach my children to look beyond themselves, outside of our household, to see others, to love others, to encourage others, to share life with others in the very real and meaningful ways.