Friday, January 29, 2021

Bring it...


It's another snow day... I'm not complaining. We need the moisture in the forests, and besides... it's MAGICAL! I don't even mind driving in it, as long as I'm on the roads by myself. 

We did take a day off of school this week... we had every intention of playing in the snow for the morning and then working hard upon our return, but as soon as we got into the woods, our resolve was obliterated. 

Lochlan has been developing exponentially. Sometimes, it's hard for us to recognize how much he is growing and changing, as we sift through the daily challenges, but even we see it. He has started recognizing letters and will point to signs, pictures, even t-shirt logos and spell out the letters! And if he reads off the letters, he will even attempt to say the words after us. Today, he said, "cookie" when Auntie Jess called and I think Jess nearly cried; she's never heard his voice (outside of screaming). This morning I woke up and thought I heard him say, "Mama, let's have coffee!" As soon as I realized it was a dream, I realized how much I ache to hear his voice, in harmony with my heart. We are so much closer to that dream. 

He's sick again today... he hasn't thrown up yet, so we're hopeful that he just ate something he shouldn't have, but there is always that overarching concern that this is something deeper and that we might be facing a re-bout of the protozoa. That would mean more testing and then several more weeks/months of recurring sickness along with the difficulties that the treatment itself presents. He is also losing weight, which is suggestive that he's still struggling with bacteria, so we are back on daily treatment for that. I find myself distracted and unable to focus - not terribly unlike the way a trauma victim might respond when riding in a car after a previous car accident. This, too, we shall face, while simultaneously praying for mercy.

I will seek solace and re-find the strength to walk this unknown path in the beauty around me and in the One that created those places and people. 

As we sat down to tea this morning, I marveled at the expressions I saw in those faces. I can never capture those expressions when they know their picture is being taken, but when they are oblivious, it is almost possible. :-) There is so much joy in their hearts and they are such an inspiration to each other. 

So, give us our good days and give us our bad days. We will keep walking, running, laughing, crying, and we will always find our hope even when we are threatened with fatigue/exasperation. 

And... maybe it just means it's a cookie dough kinda' day. 

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