Journey Forward

"Let not a good thing come to an end", you seem to say of all things to be enjoyed - (decaf)  bulletproof coffee in the morning, great hikes + gummy bear bribery (think of it as fuel to keep the forward momentum), Swiss dark chocolate, playground gallivanting with the bros, dump truck galloping, snuggle time with your all-time-favorite daddy. You are profoundly capable of expressing your disgust when the end of a good thing rears it's ugly head.  

"I shall hike no more forever" pose.

You, the personification of human complexity, who struggles so relentlessly to communicate, to be understood, whose world is so completely lost to words/language, can speak to my soul and comfort the deepest wrestling in my heart with a gentle pat of your hand and those blue eyes looking searchingly into my own.

Your endless discovery of new things, your unceasing observation of how the world rotates about you, and your delight in the antics of your brothers' activities as they canter around you pawing at you to join into their games - all these things give me so much hope in and excitement for your future, and the working out of the man you are to become. I see that man tucked deeply within this beautiful human, so separated from the world around you and I ache to free you, to yourself and to the rest of the world that awaits you.

So, as we approach tomorrow - the day when we hope to obtain the official Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) diagnoses from the doctors, I am filled with a dull sickness in my gut (what mother WANTS to hear that her child has a diagnosis???), but I am simultaneously filled with anticipation for what lies ahead in helping you, my beloved blue-eyed beauty, find your way out of the isolated world you are sometimes trapped inside, and into this world of language, music, and communication in all it's tangled power. We are on the eve of the discovery of yet another new, and likely wonderful, thing. The journey forward!