Monday, February 19, 2024

Lady, get your sh** together

As the notebook flew across the room, I saw several people glance our direction, but most of them were kind enough to avert their eyes or even offer me a sympathetic smile as I picked it up. Lochlan had started throwing a fit about 5 minutes earlier while Brooklyn attempted to do school with him in the coffee shop. We are so blessed that the employees all know us and love us and support us, so at least we don't have that added stress. 

We are trying to get Lochlan exposed to various situational scenarios, new environments and we are trying to give him the opportunity to encounter new things that could potentially create stress so that he can learn to successfully navigate through more in life. It comes at a cost to the rest of us, though. He was doing well until he encountered an unmet expectation which he failed to convey to us until later. By that time he had fully unraveled and we were working backwards at a gallop. 

At one point I had to exit him out the door to go to my car for a chat; on our way out he was frantically yelling, "HELP!!!" much to my horror. Thank goodness everyone in the shop had watched enough to know that it was indeed Brooklyn and me that needed HELP. The notebook was not the only thing he tossed and I lost track of all that he screamed. 

We did manage to end on a good note, which did my heart good. A couple hours later, I was in the grocery store when I recognized a man who had been sitting in the coffee shop for our full song and dance. I was holding onto Aberdeen who was navigating Lochlan quietly through the store when the man brazenly marched up to me, pointed a finger in my face, then waved it toward Lochlan and said, "Lady, you need to get your sh** together!" I crumbled. Inside. I managed to not tear up until I was through the checkout line, but I don't think I made it out the door. What I wanted to say included a great deal of profanity. 

First... NEVER point your finger at me if you want the conversation to be amicable. 
Second... if you start out with "LADY", the conversation is dead before it starts. 
Third... you have NO IDEA AT ALL. This kid has been through hell and back, he is fighting to be unlocked from the prison of his own mind, he has had the world throw itself against him at every turn, he has fought to learn, grow and understand; and I've been alongside him the whole dang journey. This journey has included so much fear, darkness, heartache, exasperation, hopelessness, anger, frustration, and unanswered questions.  

If the world understood... but it can't. I get it. 


denisemayen said...

Oh, Eryn. I'm so very sorry that someone did that to you and Lochlan. Your resilience and compassion are inspiring, and those who throw barbs have no idea all that you've gone through to provide every opportunity for your kiddos. I love you, friend, and wish I lived near enough to give you a bear hug and cry with you.

Anonymous said...

I wish I was there!!! That guy would not stand a chance.

Anonymous said...

That’s unacceptable. So shameful of him to think he has the right. Good grief.

Anonymous said...

But last night, when you all were here for dinner, we were blown away with the giant steps LJ had taken in recent days… his ability to spell words asked of him, even signing along with some of them. And reading words in story books. It’s pretty close to miraculous. Well done, my determined, long-suffering patient, ingenious daughter!