In life, there is this narrow line we walk, on a path that life seems to determine for us, though obviously we are not immune to the responsibility of our own decisions in all of it. We lack the ability to predict what that path will look like. There are curves that catch us at top speed and hurtle us where we never intended to go. There are objects that seem to throw themselves upon us, never waiting for us to bump into them inadvertently. There are individuals that we encounter whom nothing in life could prepare us for. Some of us bounce into adolescence with a sense of wonder and confidence in the promises that we've made to ourselves, the hopes that have been instilled in us, or the blind faith others have placed in us. When the smack down falls upon us time and again, we all react differently/uniquely. But, at some point, in life, we all break to one degree or another. These breaks can leave us irreparably shattered, or they can give us strength that comes from something much deeper, profound understanding, humility rooted in truth, and even a renewed insight (into others, into reality, into ourselves), akin to a blind man with his sight suddenly restored.
When I sharpen my tools, I often use a grinder - and each tool is far more effective as a tool in my workshop when I am finished with the process. If I have sharpened them correctly, that is. :-) I have confidence that the One who is responsible for allowing the sharpening in my life is not only Divine, but all-knowing and fully capable. If the process is painful, may it be effective.
We've recently traversed a very challenging path (mostly with Lochlan) and I have felt like it was a season in life that was much darker than most others. There were mornings when I didn't want to wake up and face the day. As I started to see it take a greater toll on each of the members of this household (including Kaysee and Max), the inability to change our situation started to build epic frustration inside of me. As that particular fixation has eased off, he has entertained other, much less destructive and horrifying fixations and it honestly has given us fresh air to breathe and greater hope for tomorrow.
During our "dark season" I kept telling myself that it would not always be like this. Someday the season would change. I recently told that to a dear friend who is going through a very dark season, and he said that he knows it won't always be like this, but that he dreads what the future may hold. Sure, it will be a new season, but what will that season hold? I deeply understand that sentiment; yet, we must recognize that we are most often uniquely strengthened in our brokenness and in the places where we have fallen. Our eyes are made to see things we have never before appreciated and in that there is a new found wealth. Simple beauty in all it's forms is less likely to escape our admiration. Joy will be that much more deeply treasured. And the challenges of tomorrow will most likely be met with wiser hearts.
I've been reflecting on these things in the past couple weeks. Not surprisingly, the best places for me to ponder and wonder are in His Creation. So, I decided one morning to greet the sunshine out by Grand Falls. I invited my mom and any boys who wished to accompany me on a crazy, cold morning adventure. We were not disappointed! As I looked up at the falls, the grandeur was humbling, the beauty overwhelming.