Sometimes we feel our world caving in upon us. It can be relational, circumstantial, physical, even spiritual. We awaken from restless sleep to face fatigue, frustration, possibly fear with little hope and anticipation for the day that lies ahead, the day that has been given for us to live fully. Depression can easily become a resident companion deep within our hearts, resentment can grow upon us as easily as an unwelcome friendship. The joy in all the tiny magical moments can be lost to us forever because those moments rarely repeat themselves. We may find that anger replaces love in our hearts.
We are all faced with the unbearable, at some point. It can be an extreme traumatic event(s), or it may not be some cataclysmic catalyst that fosters the pain in our hearts. It can be a small, consistent chipping away that brings us to our dark place. Finding joy eludes us where we should be overwhelmed by it.
I took a 5 day trip to camp deep in the mountains in Colorado with a couple of the boys. I had found myself in one these dark places where life overwhelmed me. I needed to find balance, to find joy, to be reminded of the magnitude of the Creation and it's Creator. When I wander in these places (with my fabulous fellow wanderers) I find harmony in the Creation. I feel unbreakable in all the right ways. :-) I was able to regain my footing and find the energy for the ever-forward march of life with all it's mountains/valleys, twists, turns, with it's sunshine and it's violent storms.
And again I can see the pockets of splendor in my life which bring laughter to my heart and filled me with contentment. The large pup curled against me on the couch, with a subtle tail wag every time I glance down upon her. The galloping boys on their stick horses as they chase/herd the naughty escapees (cows and horses who were supposed to walk from their pen to the big field) around the yard. The magic fairy (Kaysee) who whisked her way through my house and turned a mess into a place of order and beauty for me to arrive home to late one night. The long conversation(s) with friends from afar who encourage me with truth and admonishment and who love unconditionally. The unexpected rain in a land of drought, making this place I love a painting of green with an abundance of wildflowers. The fresh squash hanging on my gate - a delivery from Mom's garden. The row boat made out of dining room chairs, taking up the entire living room and providing a plethora of entertainment. The Sunflowers as big as my face, lining the road to my hill. Lochlan role playing himself and Kaysee in a an epic argument over whether something was a bear or a cow. Hearing my horse nicker at me every time she sees me, not because she's hungry, but because she genuinely loves humans and their company. Snagging a 1 inch blackberry off an obliging plant in the backyard. Climbing my hill, listening to the silence and watching that imperfect tree stand strong, firm and resolute against the backdrop of a golden sunset; it welcomes the sunshine, the storm clouds, and the darkness with un-wavering strength. My boys filling up our round couch for tea time each morning. The honeysuckle pedal placed on my Yeti cup.
Nothing in life is permanent; it is an ever-shifting entity. So much of it is filled with beauty, alongside the pain and excruciating challenges. We cannot avoid the valleys, and we must rely on the strength that we gain on the mountaintops.