Wednesday, April 03, 2019

Sanity is definitely overrated in parents

Last night was arduous. It never really began and it never seemed to end, simultaneously. Lochlan went to sleep at 8:30, which is super rare for him, as he's typically the last to go to sleep once we've all gone to bed. I was hopeful that he just needed the extra snooze time, but this nagging feeling of trepidation hovered as I went to bed. After an excruciatingly long day, and fatigue beyond measure (we seeded the field, and spread several pickup loads of manure - back breaking), it seemed somehow inevitable that it would be a long night. At midnight, Lochlan was bright eyed and cantering around the house, putting on his shoes, coat and preparing to head outside for a moonlit pedal car ride. I fed him some more dinner and a hot cup of sleepy time tea, along with some Tryptophan in hopes that it would wind down his internal clock. Then, we snuggled for an hour or so in his bed, but the ol' clock just kept ticking and his eyelids were not even slightly heavy. To add injury to insult, as I exited his bunk bed, I slammed my face against the corner of a 2x4 used as a ladder, giving myself a black eye. So, around 4:00 the tears started. My tears. His tears. We were both angry and frustrated. I started praying out loud for him - I'm definitely not beyond begging God, asking for anything to overcome the feeling of silence I feel from God with regard to this beautiful human. I do believe in my head that all our prayers are heard and not forgotten and that they do not fall on deaf ears. But, as we are all familiar, ongoing heartache, pain, suffering, discouragement and/or loss can leave our hearts raw and our hope shaken. I heard Madigan and Paugie both stifling tears as I prayed. It is the cry of all our hearts. Around 4:30, Madigan told me to go to bed and he wrapped his arms around Lochlan and said, "I love you so much". Lochlan finally started to settle and was asleep at 5. Again, I'm reminded that I know nothing about what to do or how to do it with regard to this boy. And, not being alone in this process is comforting.

Sometimes, what is difficult seems truly impossible. Yet, morning always comes, even if it is partially unwelcome. :-) It (usually) brings fresh perspective and the almost constant stream of beautiful, hilarious, and inspiring.

Lauren and I were engrossed in conversation about something serious in nature when suddenly she doubled over and burst out laughing. After recovering from my initial surprise at her reaction, I turned around to discover a very naked boy (who had been previously rumored to be asleep) standing behind me, unashamed and unassuming. To say our conversation was fragmented by the interruption is an understatement. :-) Welcome to every day minute in the family circus.

Before we went to bed for the night, Daddy peeled Madigan off the sheets to take him to one last potty run before bed and sent him into the bathroom so he could pull Paugie out of bed as well. He walked in to find Madigan peeing in the laundry basket of clothes. When he confronted Madigan, Madigan stated in his defense, "Daddy, I'm getting it in the basket! I didn't pee on the floor." The next morning, he had no recall on the matter. #sleepwalking

Paugie is equally comatose once asleep for the night. After managing a successful pee run, I sent him to bed while I went to the kitchen for a glass of water. Upon my return, I went back in the bathroom, turned on the lights and found Paugie sitting, head bowed, hands folded in his lap, sleeping upright on the counter top next to the sink. He was completely OUT!

I changed out the boy's pillows (because pillows can get super nasty super surprisingly fast). Kelton burst into tears and held his new pillow tightly. When I inquired about his apparent heartache, he said, "Mama, I just don't want to have to say goodbye to this beautiful and most wonderful pillow that you just gave me." I wish I could assure that you'll never have to, but alas...

This tiny human breaks into dance every time he hears a favorite song (Owl City, for example) - it's almost involuntary. His body just starts moving to the music and even though he's shy about it, he simply cannot help himself. :-)

The boys are insistent that all the pups are buckled in when in the truck and Aberdeen is always willing to comply. 

Brothers who hike together stay together. 

The four humans on the path ahead of me remind me that life marches ever onward, giving us boundless joy and profound challenges, simultaneously. They are my inspiration and I never want to lose sight of these moments. 

That, my friends, is the picture of happiness and contentment. So, smile! 

The Great Painter at it again. 

A great friend and a great bunny wabbit. Note the foot... too much! 

A boy loves his dog and a dog loves his boy. 

Escapades in the woods have resumed for the spring!!! Happiness abounds! 

Mama horse hovering for a lil' morsel of cereal bar. Super subtle. 

Field planting has begun again. Argh. 

What a great team! 

Gumbum was out there with the rest of us putting in hours of hard, manual labor. Amazing!

Beloved Kathy, and (part of) her canine fan club. She is, also, a godsend to this family.

Rest time after a hard day's work. Note the bunny in the middle of the boy pile. Melt my heart!

Kathy's tractor and Lauren's expert tractor driving made our field management plausible! We got an entire field planted, and fertilized in hours! 

And finally, on a serious note... 

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