Helpful comments, and their people

"Boy, you've got your hands full."
What I wanted to say: "Thank you Captain obvious. I hadn't noticed."
What I actually said: "Yes, I do."

"Wow, out in this weather with no shoes?"
What I wanted to say: "Well, if I glued them onto his feet, you would call CPS, so stop complaining."
What I actually said: "Oh, where are your shoes Lochlan?" (No chance you THREW them again, is there?)

"Are you going to try for a girl?"
What I wanted to say: "This number 4 genius human sitting in my stroller wasn't some misguided attempt at getting a girl. So, to answer your question: No."
What I actually said: "When you've got this awesome pack of cubs, there's nothing lacking."

"Wow. FOUR boys??? You're brave."
What I wanted to say: "Yeah, if I wasn't so courageous, I would have traded them all in for a different batch. Courage wins again!"
What I actually said: "Never a dull moment! Our days are full of adventure!"

"Birth control?"
What I wanted to say: "Never heard of it."
What I actually said: "My life is 4 times more awesome."

"Maybe he needs a nap."
What I wanted to say: "Four boys later and you think I would have figured that out. NOW I understand (said with a British accent, in the voice of Cate Blanchett)."
What I actually said: "Oh, you're right."

"Are they all yours???"
What I wanted to say: "Most of the time. It's complicated"
What I actually said: "Yep! Aren't they incredible?!"

After watching Lochlan throw his shoe at the young man's feet...
"Oh, he dropped his shoe."
What I wanted to say: "Make sure you don't pick it up - hazardous materials may be present."
What I actually said: "Oh, thank you for telling me." (I would never have noticed it flying through the air to land at your feet.)

"You have an absolutely splendid family. How blessed!"
What I wanted to say: "YES, YES, YES!!! Finally someone with eyes to see what's REALLY going on here!"
What I actually said: "Thank you for that! I couldn't agree more!."