I climbed another mountain

Gosh this darn life can be so ruthless to us. I went to my hill in the dawn hours of Friday morning with a head full of thoughts I needed to process. I hiked up much faster than usual, forcing my body to pay the penalty for the frustrations that were mounting in my head. Upon reaching the top, I sank next to my tree and laid it all at the feet of God. Ah, the brokenness of this world, the things we cannot change, the pain we must bear and be witness to... none of us in untouched by it. This past week has been relentless in its challenges. 

I find solace. Maybe it is just the sheer exertion of getting myself up that hill, but I don't think so. Touching my tree brings comfort. Looking at the mountains beyond fills me with wonder and hope time and again. And the quiet... my heart finds rest in that place. In the silence I listen and hear and know that I am not alone. 

Lochlan had his second seizure on Thursday evening. It was a short seizure and he didn't have any subsequent seizures and I am grateful for that. He vomited for the next 8 hours which seems to be his seizure pattern. Kris has been in Boston for the week, so the boys helped me get through the night watch. I had 3 hours of sleep, but still felt surprisingly rested. It is alarming because there is no obvious catalyst to the two seizures he's had. He was calm and had played outside most of the day. I do think he was somewhat dehydrated so I'm sure that didn't help him. We haven't been taking him hiking as much because it has been so dry and hot during the daytime; the hiking seems to regulate his hormones and give him the ability to navigate his days without as many naughty incident(s). So, we are getting creative and re-incorporating hikes for him into our daily routines again. We're also coming up with many ways to keep him well hydrated. 

Kris returned from Boston so I went ahead and left for a 3 day trip to the Colorado mountains. Declan and I had planned this trip several weeks ago and though it seemed somewhat reckless to do so, I decided to follow through with our adventure. Being in the quiet of these mountains, setting aside the daily responsibilities, laying down my juggling balls for a minute is already giving me renewed strength and a rejuvenated perspective. 

I am so thankful for each of my boys. Madigan works tirelessly, helping each member of his family in unique ways; he is faithful and hard working and I learn from him constantly. Declan brings humor to our lives and comfort to each of us; he is wise and thoughtful and I am in awe of him. Lochlan is resilient; I cannot believe how much strength flows through him in spite of all the world throws at him almost constantly. I am so thankful for him and who(m) he is becoming. Kelton is so full of love and kindness; he is stronger than he realizes and everyday I see him grow in wisdom and stature. He brings light into a dark world. 

 Life hurts, it's true. I hope that in and through the pain we remember that we are not at the center, but simply (and incredibly importantly) a part of the whole tapestry. I am a thread in a vibrant and complicated tapestry of life. I hope that what I learn in this race I am running can bring strength to those around me.