The injustices in life can be brutal

 As we ambled through the waist-high ferns, I could only hear the rustling of the Aspen trees in addition to the sound of our foot steps. It was unadulterated stillness and beauty. The trail was saturated with the smell of the high mountain meadows which I can only presume to be a mingling of aspen leaves, wildflowers, pine needles and wild animals. I think I actually soaked those moments, smells, sounds into the marrow of my bones. 

Lochlan had been having a rough day and was rapidly winding himself into something I fear and will avoid at all cost. I knew a long hike was in order, so I rallied the two older boys to set off on an unknown (to us) trail with me and Lochlan. At the end of our 11 mile trek, Lochlan was calmer and seemed to have wandered successfully through his valley of darkness. 

Sometimes it feels like life beats us into a pulp; restoration can be costly and slow and also so incredibly profound. In the tiny things that tear us apart from the inside and the monumental things that try to destroy us, the process of restoration changes us. The injustices in life are frankly brutal: being misunderstood, receiving a life threatening diagnosis, watching the flower of life wilt and fade, understanding disappointment in all the ways that matter, living through loss, facing the horror of fear, letting go, choosing love, knowing perseverance, forgiveness in all that it is and means... 

I wish I could usher these boys/men into a life that wasn't messy. I resign myself to guiding them onto paths that I know to be sure, helping them to not fear failure but face it and learn from it, teaching them about the strength that they do not know they have yet because it comes from beyond themselves. I hope I am able to teach them to SEE the beauty even in the darkness. I want them to understand that the mountains lie ahead for each of us; taking the next step is sometimes all that is required. Ultimately I trust them into the care of a much higher being than myself. 

I find so much in these wild places - and I am restored. Slowly. Piece by tiny piece. Time and again.