Dawn comes early

Darkness has descended - 8:50 PM. I could have readily climbed into bed at least 2 hours ago and easily fallen asleep. I look back on this day (and every day) and it is mind boggling how much transpires in just 16 hours. I awoke at almost 5:00 because the sun merrily beckoned me to do so. I watered my blueberry plants at 5:15 AM and I stopped working about 10 minutes ago. I could list everything I did but the sheer monotony in such a list discourages me from doing so. :-) Suffice to say, I put in 13,000 steps and I didn't get a hike in today. I don't have a fingerprint on any of my fingers because I wear them off each day. 

I was watering the big garden this evening as the sun was setting and it was easy to revel in the quiet, the colorful sky, the little plants so determined to live and grow. By attaching a small pump to my rain water tank outside the house, we're now able to utilize the 3500 gallons we've collected from the past winter. That feels resourceful and I'm ridiculously excited. So, grow plants, GROW!

As I folded the three loads of laundry tonight, I found 5 matched pairs of socks and 7 unmatched socks. Yet... it is an improvement! The boys are getting closer and closer to getting their socks into the laundry basket when they remove them off their dirty feet. History would tell a different story, so this calls for much rejoicing! 

Sometimes, the work in each day feels like a lot. A clone would help. Too often I'm so weary by the time I climb into bed that I don't have a lot of brain energy for processing the happenings of my day. Yet, this life is fulfilling. I TRY to use well the time I'm given, and I succeed and fail remarkably. Admittedly, my kids are probably not the cleanest ones going to bed tonight. My windowsills are covered in dirt. The horses' stalls need attention. I have two loads of laundry waiting to be washed, plus one already in the washer and one in the dryer. I've got trees I need to water (tomorrow!). I owe way too many people phone calls or letters; please don't ask about the state of my voicemail. The weeds have the upper hand. I have bills waiting to be paid. I'm behind on basically everything. My cabinets are not organized the way they probably could be; I tell myself that's because my space is extraordinarily limited, but... 

My list of must-do things seems to grow larger each day, but I'm going to start including on that list a few of the non-essentials: practice my piano, ride my horse, snuggle with humans I adore, whisper sweet nothings to Aberdeen because she loves it, and listen to great music by candlelight in the darkness. I've been challenging myself to read books that are less entertaining and more substantial in content and though it is more difficult to read when I'm tired I can tell that it has been beneficial. I'll keep pushing forward on that personal challenge. 

Life is hard. Life is heartbreaking. Life is arduous. Life is lonely in so many ways. 

Life is astoundingly beautiful and I am in awe in the living of it. 

The bay mare in my trailer...

 "I have a bay mare standing in my trailer." 

Tears were running down my face as I said it. I wasn't planning to get another horse after losing my beloved Fancy, but... Kelton has started riding my Devany more and they are forming an incredible bond. It has become apparent that these two have many miles of adventure ahead with one another, so I started to consider another horse for myself to ride. By some Divine miracle, I found a bay mare who has absolutely stolen my heart.

I've been following a lady who helps retired racehorses find good homes, get second careers and helps them to not end up at auction. I've seen countless horses on her page, but this horse was the one who caught my eye. I drove down to Phoenix to see her and I knew immediately. I saw a couple horses at the same time, just for comparison, and honestly the other horses were more obvious picks: one was taller with perfect conformation, and one was super sweet and docile. This horse was frustrated about life in a stall and bitter about the whole thing. I felt my stomach tighten just looking into her eyes because her frustration was so evident. I also saw kindness and curiosity. I saw a horse that needed me as much as my heart needed her.

She has exceeded all my hopes and expectations. I've had her for several weeks and I am so impressed with her boldness, her curiosity, her willingness to try anything. When I first got her, she would grind her teeth when I put a halter on. She would walk away from all of us when we entered her pen. She would flinch if I touched her quickly without warning her. Now, she follows me all over, places her head in the small of my back seeking my attention. I rub her down and she no longer shies away from my touch. When I hold her halter open, she places her head into it on her own and no longer grinds her teeth. I think she was usually handled with a chain in her previous life, but I have found that she's so gentle and responds with the softest touch. She nickers at me every time I come out of the house; I love it! When I call out, "Sadie Rae" (her name of affection :-) she calls back with the sweetest whinny. 

Her feet were a wreck when we got her with partial shoes hanging off a couple feet and no shoes on the others. As soon as I got her home, the farrier came out, pulled her shoes and trimmed her up. She could hardly walk for a couple days because she wasn't used to being without shoes. I put her in Renegade boots and now her feet have toughened up and are looking amazing. 

I haven't ridden her yet, because I wanted her to have a couple months to relax and be a horse. I wanted her to have time to bond with me, get to know and understand our family. I take her for walks in the woods and she's curious about everything. She is unfazed by the chaos of this family circus and she has blended into the herd like she always belonged. She is gentle with Wynn and Murdock, and willingly submits to Devany's leadership. She's never offered to kick or bite. 

I realized a couple days after bringing Sadie home that I pulled into the driveway with her exactly one year to the hour of when I lost my most beloved bay mare. God has a strange and beautiful way of orchestrating the details of our lives, of healing the wounds in our hearts.